Their journey isn't mine
Next Step #03 - In this issue, I'd like to share I how I personally learn to change my inner critic that making me gutted for comparing my journey to others.
Hey friends,
Here's a quote from my favorite philosopher to start our conversation this week.
“No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have.” - Seneca
As I am writing this in my pajama (as usual!), I could not express how happy I am that A and I sorted things with our wedding stuff. It's pretty hard to get the hold of this busy man recently with all the business stuff that he has been up to. I am so glad we finally have that moment spared for us. It turned out we made a quick decision in just less than an hour!
My wedding is not what I want to share with you about here, not exactly but I'll get to why I even mention it.
On Sunday morning I received a text message from a girlfriend asking me, "Hey, how old were you when you first own a car?". When I asked her why did she ask such a question, she replied, "Cos, I am 24 now and still don't have a car"
This thought was so relatable; even for myself. I used to have the same thought as a result of comparing myself with others around me or worst, I used to be a subject to compare for. That made me feel gutted. It was a dark phase.
After a non-hesitant phase of leaving people that doesn't serve my value in my late 20s, I spare a lot of reflective time to get past the need to compare myself with others. Most importantly change my inner critic.
How to change our inner critic?
You are not your thoughts. One thing why I love journaling is because it forces me to take out all of my first thoughts into a paper, right in front of me. It is not necessarily the right thing we feel and want to do. That’s why I like to journal first thing in the morning. Journaling has taught me to change my thoughts and words that help increase my self-beliefs over the years. The words written raise my awareness and allow me to reassess if my thoughts are evidently true.
There is no perfection, only progress. It's like yoga. Yes, yoga. After 200 days of flexing my muscles yoga taught me that; progress is important because I am always showing up on the yoga mat every day to discover new moves while perfection is just zooming right to my flaws of what I can't do and not enough. Come back to the question that my friend asks about not having a car at the age of 24. Progress is when you now have a car, but perfection is must have a car at the age of 24. Which one are you?
Quit overgeneralizing. I used to be so mean to myself when I associate one failure in my life event with stupidity in general. After I met A, I am indebted to him for helping my emotion and mind to get out of that darkness of overgeneralizing. "Keep moving, you are not there anymore" as he would pep talk me. Instead, now, I focus on the lessons learned, what I did well, and the next step. It takes a lot of practice to get here, if you are feeling dark again when you read this far, re-read no.2.
Their journey isn't mine. Have you ever scrolled on the Gram and ask, why their journey looks easier than mine? Always remember, one's journey isn't the same as others; one's context and the story will never be the same as others. Ask ourselves, are their journey is mine? If theirs are mine, will I be happy?
Gratitude. This is a huge thing in my life; I love talking about gratitude. I have a google reminder that I set every night before bedtime asking, "What are the 3 things that you are grateful for today?". It will be the last 3 things that I will rewind in my head before I fell asleep. Ideally, it's a wonderful way to end the day; although it may not be the case all the time. However, it's an important reminder that forces me to look at the present and what I actually have.
As I mentioned in our early conversation about getting our wedding stuffs done, I am grateful that we could still have that little time to discuss in peace. Little time for a grand plan doesn’t mean that we won't be happy newlyweds when the day comes. What we may not have is the dream wedding (Thanks to Covid!) but what we can have is each other (There's no wedding without one of us, okay 🤨!). Gretchen Rubin speaks about this a lot on the easiest way to be happy with your life is to look at the happiness under your own roof in her book, The Happiness Project
Also the next time, you find yourself comparing or competing with someone else, remember that the person you should be competing against is the person you were yesterday.
If you are planning to have a wedding soon or buying a new car, what have you, just put your head down and make it happen.
Cos frankly, although what you are currently working on may not show an immediate result, but hey everything is workable! Just let yourself trust the process.
Look What I Made This Week
Till then, thanks for reading and I hope my humbled notes this week can help you reflect on your next step for the coming days.
♡ & x,
Wawa Hals